Ideas from the Library
Designing with Friction
Chapter 4 | The Three Forms of Tension
Not All Friction Comes From the Same Place
One of the easiest mistakes we make is assuming that every difficult situation has a single cause.
A project stalls, and we assume someone isn’t committed. A conversation becomes uncomfortable, and we conclude that personalities don’t get along. A decision refuses to move forward, and we decide people simply don’t like change.
Simple explanations are appealing because they give us something to fix. The challenge is that they’re often wrong.
The longer I’ve worked with organizations, teams, and individuals, the more I’ve noticed that what appears to be one problem is usually several problems woven together. The disagreement isn’t only about the decision. The hesitation isn’t only about the timing. The resistance isn’t only about the work itself. Something deeper is almost always contributing to what we see on the surface.
I’ve started thinking of those moments the way a physician approaches a symptom. A fever isn’t the illness. It’s evidence that something underneath deserves attention. Treating the symptom may provide temporary relief, but understanding its source is what changes the outcome.
Life seems to work the same way.
Someone who appears resistant may actually be protecting something important. A team that struggles to make decisions may not lack commitment as much as clarity. A project that continually loses momentum may have less to do with execution than with people quietly working toward different destinations.
When we assume every problem has a single cause, we often solve the easiest part while leaving the most important part untouched.
I’ve become more patient because of that realization. Not slower, but more curious. Before looking for solutions, I try to understand what kind of problem I’m actually facing. That small shift has changed the questions I ask, the conversations I have, and, more often than not, the quality of the answers that eventually emerge.
Perhaps that’s one of the hidden disciplines of good leadership, thoughtful design, and even meaningful relationships. The first responsibility isn’t finding the answer. It’s understanding the nature of the question. Clarity rarely comes from moving faster through a problem. More often, it emerges when we slow down long enough to see what’s actually there. The deeper we learn to look, the less likely we are to mistake the symptom for the cause.
Ideas Worth Keeping
- Surface problems often have deeper causes.
- The first explanation is not always the most accurate one.
- Curiosity creates better solutions than quick conclusions.
- Different kinds of tension require different responses.
- Understanding the problem is often the beginning of solving it.
Reflection
Think about a challenge you’ve been trying to solve for a while.
Now imagine that the issue you’ve been focusing on is only the visible part of a larger system.
If you looked one layer deeper, what else might be influencing the outcome?
One Practice
The next time a situation feels frustrating, resist the urge to label it too quickly.
Instead, ask yourself:
“What else could be true?”
Stay with that question a little longer than feels comfortable.
The first answer often explains the symptom.
The second or third may reveal the cause.
Continue Exploring
Browse the Library
Explore more reflections from across the Hendrickson Lab collection.
Continue the Journey
This reflection grew from Chapter 4 of Designing with Friction.
If you’d like to explore the complete framework, Designing with Friction is available on Amazon.
Continue the Conversation
The books capture ideas at a moment in time. On Substack, I continue exploring how those ideas evolve through new experiences, observations, and experiments.